Having children can be triggering life events for survivors and witnesses of childhood trauma. Although I fear for all of my children's safety as they walk this earth inside black bodies, I am especially triggered by having to raise and protect a daughter. I always say that I was blessed with her last because the creator knew I had my own healing to do first. She is almost 11 now and everyone says, "she looks just like you" all the time. But I am so grateful that her 11th year bears no resemblance to my 11th year. As her body develops physically, I struggle with letting her go so that she may have her own journeys while also protecting her from the gender based violence that exists in the world of which I am sadly too familiar. The ache and angst is deep but I'm comforted every time she gets off of the bus and makes it back to me. I'm comforted when she has sleep overs at friends' houses and she reports no harm was done upon her body or spirit. I'm proud of myself for allowing her to go. I work hard not to control her body and movements, although her love for the comfort of jeggings is testing my resolve! But I continue to buy them for her noting that what one wears has little to do with their risk for victimization. With painted on pants and budding breasts, she comes back to me and I live another day to worry, build her up, love her, educate her, discipline her, be challenged by her, and pray. I know I am not alone. I know I am not the only brown/black parent who is terrorized in these ways concerning their brown/black girl child's safety and freedom. I also know that ultimately I may not be able to protect my black children from harm. This is a theoretical "knowing" but acceptance of this fact will be much harder.
But for now, she comes back to me. Yet, many of our babies are not coming home.The larger public seems to care little when it is a trickle, although that steady trickle has created a gaping hole filled with of girls/women of color, both trans and cis. Gone. but not forgotten. Gone. but not always fought for en masse. Gone. No hashtag. Gone. Our girls' lives devalued. Erased.
Where is our collective rage channeled to action for ALL of our daughters, sons--children?!
The recent atrocity in Nigeria reminds me that my daughter may get off the bus today and make it home but that OUR daughters continue to be systematically taken from us and victimized at home and abroad. As a parent I ache and wonder daily how are my sisters and brothers in Chibok are dealing with the incomprehensible fact that their babies did not come back home that day. This was supposed to be a regular school day. Now they are living an oxygenless nightmare that the world is bearing witness to...and will soon forget about. Little sisters, you deserve to be home. Parents, you deserve to sleep. and to be at peace.
As a world citizen, I remain unsure as to how we should collectively respond to this situation. I have no answers but am fully aware that the US has a dark colonialist and imperialist history and practice of "helping". So the only thing I feel that I can offer to this discussion is to remind our government that they while they mobilize around injustice against girls/children they can do so by ceasing dropping bombs on them; and ceasing the systematic denial of access to healthy food, clean water, safe housing, and quality healthcare, education and jobs, and yes, they can also aid in returning our daughters (and sons) home!
Let us continue this outpouring of love and support by channeling our collective rage to economically, politically and ethically care for all of our children.
We belong to them..all of them.
In the meantime, I am praying that our little sisters are returned in peace and that their paths of purpose guide their survival thereafter.
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